Parents don’t need to ask everything.
No questions approach helps children of all ages follow routines smoothly
Raising children from toddlers to teens can be challenging, with parents often unsure how to get routines, homework, and daily habits to run smoothly.
Dr Beachgem, a paediatric emergency doctor and mother of four, says the way parents communicate makes all the difference. Her three simple parenting rules, followed in her household for years, recently went viral on TikTok under the username @beachgem10.
She said in her video: “There are three parenting rules that my husband and I have followed, and they held up during toddlerhood, and they're still holding up during teenagerhood, and these are rules for us as parents, not rules for the kids. The first rule is no questions.
“If it's not a question, don't pose it as a question, like, do you want to put your shoes on? Do you want to do your homework? Do you want to brush your teeth? If it is not a question, don't pose it like it. If you were going to force them anyway, even if they say no, then you’re kind of the jerk. We do this naturally to be polite, but it’s not polite. It kind of creates confusion.”
Beachgem clarified that giving children two options, such as “do you want to brush your teeth first or put your pyjamas on first,” does not violate this principle.
Her second rule focuses on keeping explanations short and clear. Dr Beachgem says children benefit from knowing why something is happening, but it’s important to keep it concise:
She added: “It is great to give kids an explanation why or why not, but short and sweet. They don't have much of an attention span, and honestly, neither do you.”
The third rule is about emotional regulation. She explains that parents should manage their own emotions before addressing misbehaviour, adding: “It means when you are approaching a child with discipline, you want to make sure that you have emotionally regulated yourself before you approach the child… Kids will respond to conflict the way they've seen adults in their life respond to conflict, so if you're popping off and upset, your kid's gonna pop off and get upset when something comes up.”
The advice has struck a chord with viewers online. One wrote: “How lucky are we to have you as our TikTok pediatrician,” while another noted the importance of consistency.
They said: “Exactly – no questions! Emotional regulation is huge… My kids know if I say something I mean it, so we don’t usually get to the consequences.”
Many parents said the “no questions” approach was particularly effective with toddlers, helping routines run more smoothly and reducing conflict.