More stepparents are adopting a style known as “nacho parenting,” stepping back from discipline and leaving authority to biological parents.
Stepparents stepping back from disciplining their kids is becoming more common
The approach, popular in blended households, is meant to reduce conflict and allow children time to adjust to new family dynamics. Experts warn, however, that it can create confusion for children and strain adult relationships if used long-term without discussion.
Aimee Righton, a member of Counselling Directory, told the Huffington Post: “In many cases this is not even a formally agreed parenting strategy but rather something that evolves naturally within the family dynamic as adults attempt to reduce conflict or tension between the stepparent and the child. This is something that is appearing more often in my private practice and increasingly within wider society.”
Righton explained the approach can cause children to question why a stepparent does not enforce rules or respond to behaviour in the same way other adults do.
She said: “A child will question why this adult in their home does not correct behaviour, enforce rules, or respond to situations in the same way other adults do. This can lead to feelings of uncertainty, bewilderment, or even rejection.”
Psychotherapist Debbie Keenan, also of Counselling Directory, highlighted that nacho parenting can be a “useful initial approach for stepparents entering blended families” because it allows trust to develop.
She said: “The positives are that the stepparent isn’t seen as the ‘bad parent’. It allows the stepparent to embed compassion and empathy into the relationship, while supporting the biological parents’ authority."
Both experts caution that without clear communication, the approach can undermine discipline and create tension between adults.
Righton added: “When implemented without open conversation and thoughtful discussion, this style of parenting can have a detrimental impact on the romantic relationship between the adults.”
They advise families to use nacho parenting as a temporary framework, supported by ongoing dialogue and family meetings, before stepparents gradually take on more responsibility as trust develops.
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