Hearing harsh words from your child may not always be a bad sign.
Expert says emotional outbursts can reflect trust, not bad parenting
Parents are often told tantrums, arguments and emotional outbursts are evidence something has gone wrong at home, but according to a parenting expert, many of these behaviours can actually reflect emotional security and trust.
Clinical psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy and founder of Good Inside, said children frequently act out most intensely with the people they feel safest with, because they believe the relationship can withstand their strongest emotions.
She told Good House Keeping: “Good parenting doesn’t always look like compliance or politeness. In fact, it often looks messier than that.”
Dr Becky says phrases such as “I hate you” or “You’re the worst parent” are often expressions of overwhelm rather than genuine hatred.
She said: “Kids say this when they're flooded and can't access their words for the real feeling underneath, usually hurt, disappointment, or feeling unheard. The fact that they're saying it to you instead of internalizing it means they believe you can handle their big feelings. A kid who's terrified of their parent's reaction doesn't risk saying this.”
She also says children protesting boundaries, such as reacting badly when screen time ends, can indicate they trust a parent to hold limits while staying emotionally connected.
Dr Becky added: “If your child calmly accepted it and walked away? That might mean they're complying from fear, not learning to tolerate disappointment. But this meltdown? It means they trust you…they believe the relationship survives their worst moment.”
Dr Becky also adds that children admitting mistakes, saying “You don’t get it”, or honestly expressing disappointment can also be signs they feel safe enough to be truthful.
Rather than focusing only on behaviour itself, she says parents should look at whether their child feels secure enough to bring difficult emotions into the relationship.
She advises validating feelings while stopping harmful behaviour, setting clear boundaries and avoiding shame.
She said: “Your feelings are welcome here. Your honesty is safe. You can be yourself with me.”
Experts say children who feel emotionally secure are more likely to develop resilience, confidence and healthier communication skills over time, even if that process can appear chaotic in the moment.